In many ways, Mark Zuckerberg is like your dad.

• He insists on ever-increasing control of your internet experience.

• He tells bad jokes.

At Facebook's F8 developer conference held Tuesday held in San Jose, Zuckerberg opened the show with a series of increasingly rough one-liners.

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First up: He shared a few of his best F8/The Fate of the Furious crossover jokes.

1: "We are gathered here at the second biggest event called F8 this week," he joked. "We probably should have seen this coming after Fast and Furious 7."

2: "Now while we don't have The Rock here today, we do have the tech equivalent: David 'The Rock' Marcus."

3: "And while we may not live our lives a quarter mile of a time, I know at least people here live their lives at least one quarterly earnings at a time."

4: "While Fast and the Furious'stagline is 'Never give up on family', ours is similar: Never give up on the family of apps."

Zuckerberg also offered to read the audience his paper ream-length manifesto, and then mercilessly dropped it.

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And, like a parent unimpressed with your single relationship status, he suggested faking an IRL companion by adding a second cup to your AR dining table.

"You can add a second coffee mug, so it looks like you're not having breakfast alone."

Sad.

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Rough stuff, Zuck. But hey, we're not above dad jokes, either: